What's in a name...a poll for my friends!!!!

So, those of you who know me well, know that a name is very important to me! We had Taryn Joy picked for our daughter at least 3 years ago. I usually don't pick a name according to the meaning. I always check to see if it means something horrible (ex: Satan's Spawn...LOL)...but, if it doesn't (and mine haven't) then I go with what I like-providing the hubby agrees with it! The boys first names have decent, but not important meanings...ahhh, but their middle names have great meaning! This is also the case with Taryn Joy (at least we are consistant!).
Thus, the issue of Taryns Chinese name...to keep it, or not to keep it...this has been the question! After checking Chinese name websites with no luck...one of my favorite sites-Rumor Queen- gave great, and fairly easy, advice on getting the meaning of your daughters Chinese name. The Chinese read their names backwards from ours...so mine would appear as Feck Michelle Rebecca...interesting fact huh!
Taryn's Chinese name is...Zhang Zheng Ben...so Ben is her 1st name and Zheng is her middle name. The last name is chosen according to what Provence or social welfare institute the baby was found in...so, not as important as far as her birth certificate goes!
What I was wanting to do was, of course, give her the name we chose Taryn Joy (Joy after my mother! Taryn...just cuz' we liked it!) and then give her a third name as her given Chinese name. Confused yet?? Hang with me people cuz' I need your advice!
Ben means: go to, towards, run fast
Zheng (pronounced "Jung" with a soft "u") means: Just right, correct, straight
I like both of these. It is Awesome to know her name means "just right" after all of the worrying we have done!
So, my question to the masses is...use both-Taryn Joy Zheng Ben?
Use one-Taryn Joy Ben? or Taryn Joy Zheng? Or, just give up and start over with a whole new name...(just kiddin', not gonna happen!).
The question has been presented...now please give me your answers! If I was really computer savvy I would get a poll chart going...but I will just use the comments section and tally up!
BTW...have I mentioned SHE IS GORGEOUS yet??? Hmmmm, just checkin'!

OMG!!! Princess T Has Arrived!!!!!

I can't believe I am typing this...It is surreal...I am SO EXCITED and partly worried (cuz' of what happened last month!). But...WE GOT OUR GIRL TODAY!!!! Yippee!
And she is, of course, BEAUTIFUL!!!! I honestly didn't think we would get her this soon after our LID was mysteriously missing from last months batch...but Thank God I WAS WRONG!
Her Chinese Name is Zhang Zheng Ben; she was born May 26, 2008 and as of October she weighed 12 lbs! She is from the Jingxi Provence...and did I mention SHE IS BEAUTIFUL! Our FA said that we would "possibly" travel in February..but didn't really know for sure!
I just am so excited that I am sure I am rambling right now! But, thank you for your prayers and encouraging words this past month! When it didn't work out for us at the beginning of this month I was devastated...But "joy cometh in the morning..."
And she has! Praise God...FINALLY! FINALLY! FINALLY!

Is PTSD possible with adoption???

So, one of my favorite "rumor" websites is saying that referrals could be coming out through the LID's of 2/28/2006. And, while I am very happy for these families, I also want to scream at the top of my lungs.."Hey China, what about us! Remember us? The ones you 'OVERLOOKED' last batch of LID's?"
Obviously, it would be like screaming at a brick wall! I am having flashbacks from the beginning of this month when I was convinced it would be us...now, they have "moved on" so to speak with the LID dates...and we still don't know anything! Our agency is open 2 days this week and we were supposed to hear from them...I'm not holding my breath! Steve said he will call them on Monday to see if they have heard anything about us! This is SO HARD! Just when I have been able to talk about it without crying like a freak...the new batch of referrals come in. I can't let myself hope and get excited like I did last time. But, not knowing is very hard as well! Please just keep praying for us!
And, yes, I do want to congratulate those who are getting the referral this week! I can't imagine how awesome that would be! God Bless!

The Reason We Adopt...

Steve and I just finished watching The Nativity Story for the first time. It went straight to my heart, for many reasons. The people that make up this story are all very different and very crucial to the coming of Christ. Mary, Joseph, Zachariah, Elizabeth, John, the Three Wisemen, the lowly shepards...even King Herrod! I am in amazement that God sent his son to earth in the form of a baby! And what about the humble people chosen for the ENORMOUS task of raising Christ into a man!
That is what struck my heart the most....Out of all of the people in the nativity story, Joseph was one of my favorites! He rose above prejudice from others against his unwed, pregnant, soon to be wife. He made the choice to not only marry Mary but to raise Jesus as his own son.
Isn't that the choice so many of us have made with our adoptions? We have chosen to take a child, birthed by someone we probably will never know...and raise it as our own. The essence of adoption is, to the core, a spiritual decision. In order for God to adopt all of us as his own children, Joseph had to adopt Jesus as his son here on earth,
To adopt a child is to love a child in your heart instead of your womb. To know that you know, that the child you are adopting has been chosen for you and your family by God...just as biological children are chosen. Our adopted child is destined to fulfill a glorious purpose, as we all are! Those of us parenting any children, adopted or not, have the same awesome responsibility as Mary and Joseph were given...to raise our children to glorify God!
When Taryn comes...and I am back to saying when instead of if...she will be loved no differently than our boys. She has been growing in our hearts for almost 4 years now. Through all of this heartache with our adoption...and it has been a literal "ache" in my heart...I have been made aware of the fact that she is so very much loved-already!
So, just like Joseph, and following God's example, we are perservering through this challange of adoption! Not that we thought otherwise, but it has been such an uphill battle! I am thankful for the example shown in both of these stories...and I am especially aware of it this time of year. The birth of Jesus! The adoption of Jesus by Joseph...the chance for our salvation through the adoption into Gods family...
Merry Christmas to all of you...and especially to all of the waiting families...may God bring our gifts home soon!

No news is good news....

"No news is good news..." unless you are waiting to find out what the heck is going on in China and why aren't they producing a referral for us!!!
I wish I had something positive to say...right now, I am venting! I totally know that no one wants to read a "downer" blog...so, as my mom used to say..."unless you have something positive to say, don't say anything else..."
Sage advice mom!!!!
Merry Christmas friends! Peace to you and your families...
P.S. Yes, her name is misspelled in the header! I am trying to get it fixed without erasing everything!

Seriously??? You have GOT to be kiddin' me...

Let me start by saying that the prayer I prayed over this situation was (and is) if it isn't going to happen, if it is not "meant to be", then please let us find out now. Yes, it will hurt and be awful...but anyone who is going through this knows the wait is ridiculously awful...I am just tired and want to get it over with! But, if not, if there really is a Taryn floating around somewhere in China waiting on us...then let's keep continuing. Either way, I was going to praise God...whether in pain or not.
That being said...Steve was the one to return the phone call to the President of our adoption agency today. He was given a few reasons as to why this has happened...one was that they just didn't have enough babies to give to the whole group...hmmmm, shady...
The other was a health issue we dealt with a few years ago and has been "flagged" several times already(and dealt with) caused them to "pause" on our paperwork. However, the other 6 families did not have "health" issues and they are dealing with the same delay.
Here is the kicker...are you ready for this??? Obviously, it would seem like since this happened we would be put with the upcoming LID's for February (coming out in January...). China being China, does it totally differently. We now virtually have NO LID and are just at their mercy -whenever they decide to match us it will happen. We were told the longest it has been is 4 months....hmmmm, heard that back in 2005 when we started this whole process!
Naturally, Steve asked if we should just stop this or are we actually going to get a baby! We were told that we had been "accepted" that we started all of this before the "rule change" that China had in 2006. We are supposed to hear something back the week of Christmas from the agency. Steve said he wasn't really thinking that they would know anymore then...it all sounds so shady to both of us! There aren't enough babies, in the largest, most overpopulated country in the world???? Then why are no other agencies reporting this happening? And the "fairness" (yes, I know life isn't fair...but just hear me out!) of not putting us before or at least in with the next LID group...WHAT THE HECK?????
I for one have HAD IT with this whole process! Yes, I feel like my prayer was answered...we are still in this "game"...and yes, I will continue to praise God through all of this...BUT, WHAT THE HECK????
There is just no explaining the way China works...and I honestly don't believe the agencies here have any control over any of it! It seems that we, the parents to be, the ones paying bucket loads of money to parent an orphan from their country, as well as the adoption agencies, are just pawns in some kind of twisted game the Chinese Government is playing with us! Dramatic? Well, yes....but would you expect anything less from me???
I will keep everyone updated! Peace out...

"There's a tear in my beer..."

Okay...approximately 14 hours later I am able to tell the story without crying. I do have to say that I understand grief now! I always have said that I have been fortunate enough to not have gone through anything horrible yet in my life (no deaths of loves ones; healthy pregnancies; etc....). But, now, now I can identify with others who have experienced a loss of some kind. Not that Taryn has been lost...but, when this went down the way it did...well, I don't want to compare it to anything horrible because if I do, inevitably I will get the response that whatever I compared it too is nothing like our situation!
So, that being said...let me just build up the drama of what happened yesterday...and then I will move on!
The call happened while I was at MY birthday lunch with 6 of my dearest friends...none of whom have adopted, understand the "drama" of the referral, etc... the phone rings...I get emotionally excited. They get the camera's out to capture the moment...then I am told the horrible news! The call lasts approx 10 minutes with me sobbing the whole time and my poor friends, who don't really understand what is happening, looking on and feeling terribly uncomfortable! Then, to make it even better...the Mexican waiters bring out the sombrero, fried ice cream, and start singing "Feliz Coup-li-an-ous..." ( I really don't know how to sing "Happy Bday" in Spanish...so just work with me on the translation!) CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE!!!! And then, to top off the event...the waiters take my picture...crying, with the sombrero and ice cream in front of me (not to mention the barely touched Mexican food! And, those who know me know how I love my Mexican food!). So, I had one of my friends escort me out of the restaurant shortly after that with my un-opened gifts, still crying, and extremely humiliated!
Now...now, can you see why surely I KNOW I am being punked! It was like a really bad movie! Seriously people!
Hopefully, later on today or tomorrow I will have a plausible explanation for everyone as to exactly why this happened...as for now...I just thought the above story was better than the previous tearful one! Go ahead, it is okay to laugh! Someday I will! Hey, it makes me smile thinking about the irony of it all...but laugh? Not yet...hopefully soon!
Sidebar: Thank you SO MUCH for all of the prayers and encouragement I have received both on this site, face book and my email. I may not have been answering the phone...but I could feel the prayers and I am grateful! Until next time....Rebecca
P.S. I am not trying to leave Steve out of this...he was (and probably still is...) ticked off! He doesn't get all "weepy" and dramatic like me! He was soooooo mad though at all things China!

This So Sucks...

I don't even know what to say right now...I am crying so hard I can barely breath...Steve is on his way home. We just got a call from our adoption agency. Basically 2 out of the 9 families with an LID of 2/23/2006 (ours) got their referrals...the other 7 did not. The president of the agency was the one who called me he didn't know why this happened and can't call to find out until the offices open in China (right now it is in the middle of the night there...). He told me that this has happened before, but not with so many families at once. He said that once he finds out something he will call us. I was told that it could take up to 4 months to get our referral...
Obviously, this is a huge disappointment...I can't even describe how I feel right now! I wanted to post this however instead of telling this over and over again! I just ask for prayer that this is resolved quickly to a positive outcome.
I am hoping that some friends of ours that were in our travel group were one of the two couples who did get the referral though. When I feel a little more "stable" I will call them and check! I apologize if none of this makes since! But, I know other familes in this process will understand all of the "lingo" used!
Thank you...

Pins n' Needles...

Okay...so it is OFFICIAL via the CCAA website that our LID date (2/23/06) has been "drawn" and sent. What does this mean????? Well, hopefully all of my friends and fellow "waiting parents" watching will see pics of our Taryn TODAY if not this week!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!! I have been a hot mess this week...seriously! I am obcessivly checking the Rumor Queen website for information (which I havn't done in 4 years until last month!). I have just wanted to scream...but, on a positive note, I have exercised more to burn off the excess energy (adrenaline) I have had! So, I honestly don't think I will "calm" down until we go get her in China! Keep posted and I promise to have pics up as soon as we get them! Thanks for thinking of us and praying for us...it means more than anyone (except other waiting parents!) could ever know! Peace out...

OMG! I can't stand it!!!!!

I am getting so excited that I really think I am going to lose my ever lovin' mind (or pee my pants, one or the other!)!!! All of the "rumor" sites that I know of have said that the "rumor" is looking like the 23rd has gone through...that means we WILL GET OUR REFERRAL this month! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! I mean seriously...I didn't even think this would ever come...EVER! Even now I am hoping that I am not setting myself up for a huge disappointment! This will be the bestest (yes I know that is not a word... but that is how my 6 year old says it!) Christmas present ever! I will let everyone know the minute I hear anything...now I have to go back to "real life" and work! Peace out...

It's December!!!!!

Well, we have made it to December! Still, no mention of referrals for this month. I have officially turned into a "referral watching freak"! I am obsessed right now and convinced we are going to get our referral this month! I keep telling myself and Steve that if we don't get it this month I will be okay because I am used to disappointment...but, we are UP NEXT IN LINE with the LID's! It really just depends on whatever China felt like doing this month! As far as if they processed 3 days or 6 days (the latter being our date..). This is harder than waiting for Christmas morning when I was a kid! I am READY to get our Taryn...and we have waited SOOOOOO LONG! This will be the 4th Christmas she has had a stocking up on our mantle! THE 4TH!!! I honestly can't believe we have lasted this long without giving up! Sometimes it is hard to even "hold on to the dream..." but we have!
Today is my 37th birthday (thank you very much!)...and I KNEW it wasn't going to be today because it is just too early for China to be "moving" on the referrals for the month. But, wow...what a great bday/Christmas present it would be to get her, at least in pictures! I feel like I felt emotionally when I was 9 months pregnant with the boys! I just want it over and done with so I can be a mother to her without all of this "built up drama"! And, I have had a little "nesting" instinct going on as well...just wanting to get everything done before she comes home!
So, as soon as I know anything I will let everyone know! Her little pic's will be plastered all over the Internet! I just pray she is healthy...just like any new mom would! Until then...